


"Take Me Or Leave Me"

by Spacegayparty



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Cheating, Crying, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lawyer Logan Sanders, Logince - Freeform, M/M, Marriage, Multiple Endings, Musical References, Musicals, Rent Musical, Rent References, Roman ''Princey'' Sanders is insecure, Same-Sex Marriage, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Soft Logan Sanders, Weddings, background Patton Sanders, drowning metaphor, no actual drowning, nobody will be hurt or die dw, patton and logan are brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-09 03:06:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18908254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacegayparty/pseuds/Spacegayparty
Summary: "Take Me Or Leave Me"(from "Rent" soundtrack)Logince, human auRoman and Logan could not be happier on their wedding day. Except, Roman flirts too much and not even on their day of romance can he hold it. The two get into an argument as everyone watches.Will Roman fight for their marriage or flight?





	1. A decision to make

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I hope you will enjoy this short story. 
> 
> If I forgot any additional tags, please tell me so I may try to edit them and so on
> 
> Gratitude to my beloved friend who betaed for moi ;3 ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you can enjoy this little bit I wrote during lesson (I will upload the last part soon, I do not have much left after all, so do not worry!)
> 
> Constructive criticism and comments are appreciated and I will gladly respond to them ;3 If I have misse any tags you feel should be mentioned, please do tell me so I can add them!
> 
> Thanksus to my beloved Lolo for betaing that first chapter for me and correcting my fleeting mistakes of divided attention ^w^ ♥ Have fun with the story and may you have a beautiful day!

Logan narrowed his eyes as he saw Roman offer the barkeeper a hand, the two already lightheartedly joking as the latter handed him a drink and spilled a bit. The nerd bit down onto his bottom lip, the bruised skin throbbing and turning from a faint pink into a more prominent and darker shade.  
He has had enough of the charmer he was dating, of him making his blood boil and palms sweat. It felt as if his heart was the only thing racing in this relationship and it seemed driven by the fear of being replaced, of not being good enough for the confident and painfully flirtatious actor. 

Without realising that he had already stepped forward to the two handsome man who were having too much of a good time with their charismatic chuckles and light touches. Those touches were coming from Roman and Logan had a difficult time acknowledging it once more. The thespian would never be satisfied with him only, would he?

Slam!

Logan's slender, pale arm, covered in a navy blue sleeve of his button up dress shirt slid over to Roman's hand that held the drink eagerly. He gripped his wrist and pulled him closer.

''What do you think you are doing'', he hissed.

He could not bring himself to have more patience. It was not the first time. It had been various occasions before and this time it was just the top of it all. If Roman was good at one thing, then it was melodrama and topping himself again and again.  
Logan did not know how he was still surprised but it left a deep cleft within him and it felt as if Roman's flirtatious eyes glancing at yet another person just bore daggers through his heart and it squeezed him in anguish.

Logan wrapped his slender fingers over Roman's warm wrist. Even their skin tones were so different. Roman was tanned, seemed bronze and their body temperature contrasted like a sudden clash. It was an icy force shocking through Roman's veins as the abandoned finger pads tapped onto the inside of his wrist and made him shift his attention. The source of pure charisma seemed oblivious as always and simply downplayed the whole incident, making Logan swallow down his emotions. A jingly laugh rattled the jealous pit in his stomach and he felt a sudden wave of nausea and bile biting into him as the warm green of his now-husband's curious orbs dove into the distraught storm of his steel blue orbs.

They were not valid. There was no reason, no cause and no justification for him to feel like this, to be this jealous and demanding, right?

But damn, this was their wedding! Could he not be a little more decent and maybe flirt with him instead? Would he ever be happy with Logan only or was the latter damned to be the second in place, the warm, safe spot in bed that Roman would be happily accepted back in no matter the escapades previously.

Roman's lips twitched from a playful smirk into a slight scowl. It felt as if the sunshine was blocked by a rainy cloud that demanded to dominate the weather now instead and started darkening the sky by covering the sun and isolating it for itself.

Logan wanted to go back, wanted to have a dance with his handsome man on supposedly their most fanciful and happy day in their lives but instead, he was standing in front of Roman whose mood seemed to sour as he put down his drink, his white button-up wrinkling up like his nose as if curling in disgust.  
But he was trapped in this situation and he was sick of swallowing down his feelings, letting the other trample on his freedom and his expression because he did not take him serious. Logan deserved as much.

He returned the scowl and pushed the hand away, out of reach of the barkeeper and the man got the hint, quickly inching away.

''Can't you keep it to a limit, once? Just show me some decency on our wedding day. This ceremony and venue is so fanciful for your sake and you cannot even appreciate it for a few minutes? We got wedded minutes ago, Roman!''

The thespian sighed and freed his wrist with a sudden jerk of his hand and he pushed himself from the counter he was leaning against during his conversation. His casual and comfortable posture changed as he straightened and his shoulders seemed to bulk up. Logan could not have cared less as the burning fire in his pit did away with the gutting tug within him and the roaring nausea. He just wanted to have peace and not be betrayed in his deepest trust that he foolishly put into someone who did not appreciate it, did not appreciate him.

Roman stepped away and cleared his throat as the calm curiosity in his eyes compiled into a fierce fury of defiance. The green seemed to swirl into a compromised forest green

''Every single day, I walk down the street I hear people say "Baby," so sweet  
Ever since puberty everybody stares at me! Boys, girls, I can't help it, baby!''

The wholesome, engulfing voice of Roman's singing caught Logan and seemed to steal his breath once more. It felt as if these sounds rendered him defenseless as he suddenly felt all his anger vanish. His body seemed empty and the sweet temptation of giving in, forgiving him, swayed him and made him go weak in his knees.  
But he refused.

As Roman inched closer, attempting to engulf him in a hug with his apologetic yes shallow arms, he backed away and let the thespian grab the air as he turned on his heel to face his prey. Feisty as always.

''So be kind, and don't lose your mind: just remember that I'm your baby!''

Logan shook his head, clenching his fist as the last sentence, the last word in particular drove his rage back, this time more like him and his character. It was calculated and calm, it was direct and queerforward just as he believed his character to be.

''Take me for what I am''. he demanded and Roman started moving around him, twirling lazily around him as he circled the nerd. The red vest hugged his torso as his body danced around the room as if he tried to distract Logan from the issue by showing off his body and qualities. He was a win for Logan.

''Take me for what I am'', he purred as he lifted Logan's chin despite Roman being about an inch smaller than his usually stoic and composed husband. He graced the pale and cool skin of his face as he stroke the chin with his caramel fingers, movements smoother than pooling honey as the words dripped from his lips like the sweetness that wanted to convince Logan, coax him into moving along to Roman's pace.

''Who I was meant to be~ And if you give a damn, take me baby, or leave me''

Logan's eyes widened, the calm steel suddenly filled with a darkening realisation as Roman sang the part into his face. Was it just him or did the room suddenly become cold and frozen? He stepped from his husband's poisonous temptation once more, fighting how much his body seemed to want him, 

''A tiger in a cage can never see the sun- This diva needs her stage baby, let's have fun!  
You are the one I choose. Folks would kill to fill your shoes. You love the lime light too now, baby. So be mine and don't waste my time, cryin' "Oh honey bear are you still my, my, my baby?" ''

Roman jumped onto the stage, grabbing a microphone as he started singing. The wedding guests started looking around in confusion, some staring at Logan for an explanation. His family stared at him and he could feel the dreading look in Patton's concerned eyes that were just as blue as his but in such a different way.

The nerd adjusted his glasses.

This game could be played by two and he was done with Roman putting on solo shows, no matter how nice his affection was. It was time to really stand up to him and not back down with a compromise this time. For the sake of himself, the lawyer needed to be just as professional and persistent as he tended to be in court.

This was his turn now and he would write the rules.

He grabbed a headset from the band and joined his husband on the stage. Maybe this would be their last performance together but that did not count now, it did not matter because right now, Logan was fighting for himself and his validity that he had struggled with all along. 

As Patton and Emile had taught him, it was important to put himself first and recognise his emotions as justified and important. He would finally stop backing down on this subject and instead insist.

''No way, can I be what I'm not. But hey, don't you want your man hot? Oh, don't fight, don't loose your head 'cause every night who's in your bed?'

That was it.

Logan clicked his headset's microphone to ''on'' and stepped to Roman's field of sight who had previously focused on the audience rather than his own husband he wanted to address in the first place. Was he even talking to him?  
Roman's usual grin of self-assurance and superiority tried hard to convince the others of the feelings he was supposed to feel to match his words but Logan was having none of it and he started his part of the discourse.

''It won't work. I look before I leap, I love margins and discipline.  
I make list in my sleep, baby~ What's my sin?''

It was his turn to lean and he made sure to actually reach out to the other as he sung and took Roman's hands. He let their fingers intertwine and the soft smile of Roman returned, taking over his lips and softening the narrow persistence on his face. Logan moved in, leaning down and dipping the other as he arched his back with perfect precision as if he had measured and exercised this very move for years just to perform it in this context.  
He saw a pink dust cover Roman's cheeks, the tanned skin turning a traitorous rosè shade as Logan held him close. Maybe the thespian should value him more, should make amends and actually be grateful for being capable of actually impressing a solemn and stoic mystery such as Logan.  
It was a fleeting thought but it held on long enough for Roman to admit that he was more serious about their relationship than it seemed.

''Never quit, I follow through'', Logan continued and suddenly Roman was back to his feet but in his mind, he was still swept off by the mesmerising blue storm in his husband's eyes, by the mix of gentleness and fierceness in these bold yet graceful movement. A twirl made him rotate around his own axis like the earth he was and he ended up catching his movements by arranging his feet in a stable position on the ground. He had arrived at the end of Logan's slender arms, their fingers intertwined still but it was the only connection their shared.

''I hate mess but I love you. What do with my impromptu baby?''

Logan's voice resonated within him and something stirred in him, a familiar but at the same time all too dreaded feeling bubbled up inside of him and as much as he wanted to be back against Logan's chest, he also wanted to run from him, run for his life and pride because this was all he had.

''So be wise, 'cause this man satisfies'', Logan continued and Roman needed to face that he was still struck in his state of breathlessness after the dance and the sudden bold words. The refreshing change seemed to revitalise his attraction to the usually composed man whose grip was all to keep him in the dream-like state of their .. argument? Right, they were still arguing, somehow. 

''You've got a prize so don't compromise: You're one lucky baby''

Roman nodded carefully, his voice stuck in his voice and his realisation clawing at the back of his throat as every word of explanation died on his tongue and left the bitter after taste of knowing that he had messed up big time and he started understanding why.

Logan's fingers slipped from him and the nerd stepped back once more, increasing their distance and it felt like a slap to his handsome face as reality pulled him from his thought. His lips were slightly parted but Logan had been more than right with his assumption and this sight was the desired empirical evidence the slender man enjoyed so much.

''Take me for what I am'', Logan demanded, the singing sound of his voice fading as his words slipped into Roman's blood stream like a deafening numbness that spread within him. It felt like pure anaesthetics and the tingling excitement of Logan's confidence and his own adoration of it betrayed him.

 

The prince owed his husband a decision. It was cowardice or courage, fight or flight. It was all he had avoided before.

He regained his composure and straightened his back as he locked their eyes together, his green eyes shining in sincerity. A sudden emotion flashed over him like a quick lightening and it brought Logan's attention to him as he twisted the ends of his lips into a weak smile before falling back into a helpless expression.

It was now or never. 

How would he decide?


	2. Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman decides to hide his true feelings and make a run for it - without Logan.

Roman felt his eyes tear up as he swallowed his feelings and as he opened his mouth, only the worst of his cowardice dripped from his lips and he wanted to slap himself mentally as much as physically. But he could not help it as his own shadow swallowed him whole and all that was left was the most disgusting his handsome exterior could display.

He hid behind his pride. He chose to act himself out of this situation because he was too defensive to give up on the validation coming from flirts, the assurance that everyone wanted and loved him and that he was the price, he was the goal of everyone and if Logan, pure and precious Logan would ever decide he was not good enough because he realised just how miserable and hypocritical he was, Roman had a second chance with every other person he desired to hook up with.

His words worked like a make-up brush as he concealed his feelings behind the curtain of acts.

''A control freak'', he blurted out.

There it went. Roman spit out the first best offence he could come up with and he felt the verbal exclamation push Logan physically and emotionally away from him. The lawyer's blue eyes darkened in a thunderstorm of hurt and he bit his lip as he, in turn, tried to give it another shot.

However, he unconsciously inched away before he could force his lips open to pass his last try.

''Who I was meant to be!''

Logan gave Roman the last extension of his patience, his tolerance. This was the last straw he could give without ruining himself but the thespian had long decided on what course of action to choose as he shot back:

''A snob, yet overattentive''

''That's it''. Logan hissed and abandoned the headset as he pulled it off his head, clicking it shut, ''I quit.''

''You should have taken me for what I am, Logan'', Roman said as he, too, put the microphone away and the wedding guests awkwardly shuffled as they could not help but watch the brutal scene before them, ''And if you give a damn you better take me or you just leave me.''

 

Logan looked at his husband and Patton could feel the daggers of his cold rage reach to the last row as the nerd put on his stoic, nearly painfully casual face as he straightened his tie and adjusted his glasses before he cleared his throat.

''Guess I am leaving. Have fun'', he declared coldly and his voice made the air conditioning in the extensive room unnecessary as his tone sent intrusive chills down his spine and struck everyone with paralysis.  
The stoic man turned on his black heels before he marched off and every step in his strive echoed in the uncomfortable silence that sweltered like the humid summer heat of Florida.

Roman could do nothing but stare back at him, mouth agape as he realised that this had been the worst he could have done.

He ended up losing it all but he sadly knew that he deserved it for his poor choices and miserable fears.


	3. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman decides to fight for the relationship and face his internal struggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, the end is finally up.  
> I killed my exam (or the other way around), so I decided to write instead of studying so I could vent some emotions and finish a few more words.. and this happened ^^  
> dedicated to the beaniest bean of all, my lolo. As always ♥
> 
> Thank you for following the story until now and staying put ;3 If I missed any tags, please feel free to tell me so I can add them and nobody has to be triggered or be upset c:
> 
> Warnings: panic, anxiety, self-esteem issues, self-hatred/deprication, emotional talk, dissociating, drowning/water metaphors, bad public opinion on actors (mention)
> 
> Enjoy

Roman took his chance as Logan had given him this last chance, had offered him to take him as he was even though it meant giving up his flirtatious outlets.  
Maybe he was right and he should focus on Logan more but he knew he was more than scared of doing this. Then again, he did agree on marrying him and this said something, right?

''Why'', he asked, his voice coming out softer than the tickling sensation of young feathers against skin. The thespian felt tears welling up in his eyes and they choked down his voice. The emotions roared within him, screaming and raging to take his vulnerability back, to step away from his decision and erase it by pretending it was just an act and he was not interested in Logan.

But he was.

Oh, he was more than interested in Logan and the softening features in his face made Roman falter as he felt more than just hopeless. His feelings seemed to drop and the two stepped forward, meeting in the middle as their eyes locked and pulled them together. They had no say in how much the connection of their love determined their actions.

They were strong enough to challenge Roman's insecurities, his doubts and his insufficiency. Because he would never be enough, right?

But then, why would Logan marry him? Logan, a high-ranked lawyer, a factual man who knew what he could get and whom he would deserve. Logan, his husband with sophisticated standards and high expectations and the softest smile he had ever been gifted to see with his own eyes.  
How was he ever good enough for this creature who resembled an angel more than a simple human being?

Logan gently draped an arm around the smaller man, putting the fight aside as he sensed Roman's impending break down. He heard Patton make the guests leave to another room to get dessert or whatever. It did not matter, it did not affect them because the first priority of the successful lawyer was supporting Roman.  
He felt the other stir in his arms and his heart twisted painfully as he heard something akin to a sob.

''Why what, my love. What is the matter?'', he mused softly. If this was about the fight, he would still refuse to back down and take any more flirting of his husband to any other person than him or friends under the outspoken conditions of no interest and purely platonic intentions. However, despite his usual struggle with emotions, he could nearly taste the bittersweet vibes coming from his husband and he could feel it corrupt his mild heart.

Roman started full-on sobbing, his body pressing against Logan's in the hug as he clung to him and he desperately tried to talk, breathe in enough air to produce speech and give Logan the words he needed to carefully handle them but he could not, he was unable to do it and it drove him further into his self-deprication as he felt even too useless to have a simple acknowledgement of his crippling self-esteem issues.

''Why would you marry me?''

Logan froze and gently pushed Roman away, just enough for the two to lock their blue and green orbs together once more, the colours communicating silently as their bearers did not speak with words.

''Why would you ask this?'', Logan asked and gently brushed his thumb over reddish skin of Roman's cheeks, the wetness of his tear stains transferred to Logan's hand and the end carefully cupped his face with his left. His right arm stayed securely around the waist of his partner.   
Roman's eyes widened a bit at the touch. He had not expected Logan to be so soft, to treat him as something so delicate and important after all the things he had said and the irresponsible and selfish actions he had pursued. Why was Logan so eternally patient and kind after he had shown him his disgusting self behind the handsome facade of his exterior.

''Listen, Roman, dearest. Do you suppose I regret marrying you because of this argument or, perhaps, its source?''

Roman blinked in surprise as his emotions rose within him, a nauseating wave of confusion hitting him and he swore he could have dropped in dizziness right on spot. All that seemed to keep him from it was the alluring presence of Logan. There was this deep voice crawling under his skin, making him shiver and giving him goosebumps. Sure, Logan's hands were cool but his body was warm, hot even but the voice touched Roman in places that made him freeze.The sound of his husband, analysing and trying to put him intro fragments and then back together in order to grasp his mind, made Roman feel a deep gush within him and he did not know whether he liked this or not but it seemed to give a cool energy ways and paths through his body.

He was bare before Logan, naked in the most emotional sense because this was more than a physical attraction or a bodily connection. This was pure, this was deep and it flew within not only the actor but also the factual man before him.

''Well'', he started, swallowing as he tried to summon the courage he lacked more than anyone would ever bargain for, ''I thought you could have better than me.''

Oh.

The man dressed in red wanted to scramble backwards but as his body was fuelled by movement, Logan's frozen posture sprung to life and pulling him back into his arms, letting their chests collide softly.

''You are right, I could live without you and I would be well off, Roman'', he stated in a chilling precision. Roman was certain that Logan could somewhat control the temperature because of his occupation as a lawyer. This man was just too good with words and he was in charge of how they affected other people. So much to not understanding human feelings and their interplay or regulation - Logan was basically the puppeteer of emotions with his goal-directed speeches.

Right now, however, his goal seemed to be taking Roman and getting a good momentum so he could throw Roman into the ground and watch him shatter like a flailing turtle, stripped of hope and action, falling from the eagle's grip of temporary pity. The actor had not anticipated this consequence but he deemed it somewhat appropriate. Logan had suffered in his self-esteem and validation as Roman had made him feel less than adequate or enough in their relationship with his constant search for external affirmation and interest - just to make sure he would have options in case the other would suddenly grow tired of him, tired enough to just dump him in a second and never turn back.  
Roman was not that much of a unique character, when his face was out of question. There was nothing special about him safe for his pretty body and this was doomed to change, therefore disappoint Logan even more, once he would fall victim to the vicious course of time.

Maybe Roman would like the inevitable downfall right now more than dragging it out for any more days, years.

''Do not get me wrong, love'', Logan continued but Roman could barely hear him over the sound of the train running over his heart and the screeching, the squelching of every string of heart being forcefully ripped apart in the process. It felt very much like the detachment of their connection and it felt as if the love between them faded like the sharpness of his vision as everything before his eyes became blurry as if he needed correction for his vision.

The lawyer seemed to keep talking, rambling a bit and when Roman felt a squeeze to his hand, he realised that the twirling world around him had changed and he was now on one of the abandoned chairs. The whole room was void of people safe for the couple. Patton had done a great job clearing the venue for the moment.

''Roman, honey, are you listening to me?'', Roman heard and he blinked in confusion, the sweet sound of Logan's pet name for him felt like a choking grip around his throat, taking the oxygen out of him that he did not deserve. Well, he felt like a low cheater, the worst of the lowest and he could not imagine deserving to listen to him anymore.  
The thespian got up, removing himself from the warming comfort of Logan seated next to him. He needed to get away from this alluring succubus before Logan's kindness would kill him. Would shatter him because Roman deserved it.  
''Roman, please.. I did not mean to upset you with this statement but I feel as if you were in complete ignorance of the fact that I willingly decided to stay with you because I am not depending on you.''

Roman stopped suddenly, the grip on his throat seemed gone but the air in his lungs was all used up and knocked out and he felt close to fainting, maybe dying. He could not tell. Everything around him was strange and weird and he had trouble focusing on Logan but the piercing clarity of his message reached him in his weird haze and he nodded carefully.  
''Oh, Roman, Roman, please. I am sorry'', Logan seemed to coo as he rushed over and carefully hugged him close, gently embracing his shivering form. Why was it so cold? Logan's fingers were cool but his body was so warm and no matter how hot and tingly it would usually feel, the actor simply felt carved out and hollow inside. The cold was inhabiting his body now and it seemed difficult to be coaxed out of the mere shell that was his body.  
''Please don't cry, my heart'', Logan continued and Roman nodded numbly, barely noticing how the other brushed a kiss over the back of his hand while cradling him closer, '' You know I love you and I only get jealous because it hurts me when you do this... Roman, I love you so much I even married you even though I never believed in weddings and marriages and now I am here, married to you.''  
The charming, self-proclaimed prince nodded again, still feeling too much out of this world to touch Logan and really recognise him. It seemed as if he was looking into the mirror and lost himself in the world he was staring into as he tried touching it, reaching into a place that seemed equal but was so different at the same time. Roman carefully rose one of his hands, the other uselessly hanging by the side of his body when he let himself being held close by his husband.  
He carefully reached out. Maybe the mirrors would suck him into another world, inspire his dreams and flush him own the twirl of fantasies and wondrous adventures but Logan, Logan was different. Logan was his anchor, was the calm breeze on the sea instead of an all-consuming whirl and rage of the vivid waters.

''Lo'', he croaked out, only now understanding that the wetness streaming down his cheeks were the furious cascades of fluid pressing down on his chest and drowning his ability to breathe and instead immerse him in the fuzzy sight of being in the wobbly bubble of water swirls. The thespian clung close to him, blabbering out stammered apologies and helpless explanations that were all but cut off by his own restricted lung volume as the water seemed hesitant to retreat and persistently pressed against him and pushed his heart beat up like a starting turbine.  
Logan carefully brought his husband down again, gently cradled him close and brought him more or less into his lap as he soothed him and the raging water monsters that, invisibly to him, plagued his beloved bundle of passion and dreams. 

''It is alright, I.. I think I understand, Roman''  
The man in his lap shivered under his touch, squirming involuntarily as the sound of his own name rolling off Logan's tongue after all this drama of not just today but every moment and day he did not treat his favourite nerd like the precious pearl he was. It was so sincere, it almost pulled another wave of tears from his eyes but he sniffled them down. Roman was okay now, he blinked back into reality and took the stirring wheel in this storm. With Logan by his side, holding him in place when everything seemed insecure and he even doubted himself, he knew he would be safe.   
They would be safe.  
''Logan, I .. I was unfair and I guess I flirt with others because I cannot believe you would really stay with me forever. I- I mean I am just an actor and this is a pretty unstable job. I scream bloody revolution and change whenever I can and I get into so much trouble without thinking and you are so calculated and direct..'', he trailed off, stifling a sob that threatened to bubble up to the surface.

The lawyer let him speak, carefully tugging him further into his lap and brushing over his back as if to soothe the wrinkles of his breathing out of him by simply stroking them out of his body. He narrowed his blue eyes down at him, curiosity filling them with a sparkle. The emotions flooding over him and making his heart grow and twitch went unnoticed by Roman as he struggled to continued but eventually wrung with his lungs just enough to suck oxygen into him. It felt so much easier to pull and push air into and out of his body now that Logan sort of emphasised the process and helped him get a little rhythm in the action.

''I.. I was unfair and I did not act like a prince at all. I guess I am not as.. as glittery and stunning as I seem to be and I thought you would just see what everyone else sees when meeting me for a second time or talking to me for more than just a few minutes. I .. I don't know, Logan, I just did not think I could marry you and now I am scared because... seriously, why would you stay with me when you could hook up with someone else who is more stable and recognised in his profession. You know, some kind of serious business person like you. Someone who just does not get up in the middle of the night to drag you out for watching the stars in the middle of an abandoned part of the forest. Some..someone who is reliable and always there and is always employed and busy and ..someone you could have a family with because he is a real man and brings money home because he takes responsibility.''

Roman let out a shaky breath, feeling as if he was a bottle of shampoo being squeezed until all its contents were finally emptied and out. At least he did not feel cold and unreachable anymore. He did feel Logan's touch on him and his lap underneath him as he curled up on it. It felt like a comforting blanket of nostalgic smells and warm hugs.

''Impossible'', Logan scoffed and carefully let go off Roman, softly pushing him back into a sitting position so he could face him. The taller man carefully cupped the actor's face and brushed a thumb over it.  
''You are so witty yet you are so quick to sputter such preposterous nonsense. I cannot grip the bipolarity of your character sometimes, dear.''  
Roman blinked, bewildered. Did.. Did Logan just make a joke, was he amused? He seemed a little offended but all in all, there was a faint smile curling at the corners of his lips, pulling his mouth into a bare, lop-sided smile. It felt so childish and carefree to see Logan in such a laid back state and it gave him the butterfly feeling in his stomach, the glowing hope that everything would soon be alright and this was the man he fell for after all.

''You .. you are still in love with me and .. you- you do not regret it?'', he asked for clarification, his trembling thoughts unable to catch the rushing words that chased Logan's attention and quickly jumped out of him, ''You are fine with having married a simple man who will never make as much money as you do?''

The next thing that happened gave Roman another moment of feeling detached from this world. Logan leaned into his own lap, curling in something that seemed like physical support for himself as he started with a simple giggle. It bubbled up like tiny flowers being rustled by the wandering breeze and it tickled Roman's heart. The thespian was absolutely speechless when his beloved husband and most exposed weakness collapsed into himself and went from softly giggling to full-on laughing, tears pricking at his eyes he vividly dissolved in his own amusement.  
Suddenly, a pair of arms curled around him and pulled him against the robust chest, vibrating in joy and brimming with affection for him. Roman's longing seemed stilled for a moment and he only thirsted for more of these sweet sweet drops of the nerd's lovely sounds.

''I could never not marry you, Roman'', Logan chuckled, his voice slightly hoarse from the sudden laugh and a muffled sound as it fought to sound solemn enough for this conversation but Logan was clearly still on the high cloud of incredulous amusement, ''I would be lost without you as complementary component in a relationship with, well, myself. I must admit that the thought of an individual with more social acceptance and recognition does sound appealing but only if I had ever given a real fuck about what strangers think of me in the first place. I do not, I have to disappoint you.''  
The lawyer played with his tie as a smile played on his lips and he seemed so fondly in love at this moment, Roman felt as if he was watching one of the best romantic scenes in his career. However, this was his life and he was very much the romantic interest of his significant other and this had been very very much a soft compliment and genuine appreciation of him as partner. 

His heart was made of soft butterflies and they all took off into different directions of his torso, spreading within him and resonating with tingly tips and taps whenever they hit a dead end. It seemed as if they were echoes of love and fluttery throwing themselves from one corner of his body to another.

''Roman, my heart. Listen to me for a bit longer, okay? I know I talk to much, I ramble a lot but I think I should have given you a bit more talks about why I am in love with you and have always been so ready to take steps in this relationship that I had been so hesitant or resistant to taking with others.  
Of course everyone would expect me to be with a person who is also a lawyer, who hates messes and loves order like I do but I do not need a copy of myself in my life. I am not that much of a narcissist to be in need of more than one controlling person. My dearest, you are blind to the qualities of your own personality that let us meet when you were courageous enough to talk to me, when you were persistent and confident enough to sway me.  
You may be a charmer but only because you are interested in everyone being just a tad passionate about something with genuine feelings because you, as an actor, know ugly masks and true authenticity.''  
Logan carefully squeezed his hand and Roman felt tears threatening to breach the water line of his eyes once more but it did not burn like the forceful urge to do it. Instead, it seemed like the catharsis in his life he had never had encountered before and now there was this tall nerd who was just classy and modest and proper and declined his facades often enough to coax the truth out of him. Logan, with every fiber of his being, made a great lawyer with his care and patience.  
And now Roman was at the mercy of the words falling off his lips and he was more than okay with being captivated by the warm trance Logan's word brought him into. It was okay because he would be caught by their mutual trust if he ever tripped in this mess of words and complex expressions.

''Let me tell you that I wish I had known what kind of people I would meet when studying law as young graduate. I was full of dreams and curiosity and I was met with the dryness of books and the expensive excuses of tiny dicks who thought their arrogance could get them into any place and any person. I never wanted any of those pretentious idiots who pretend to be something they are not while being so full of themselves, so full of nothing but shallow lies. Roman, you have never once in your life lied to me but only to yourself when you tried to believe you would like to be with this bartender or this nice girl rather than with me.  
I know you love me and I know you are an actor and you slide into the roles of others all hours of the day but that does not mean you are, at any moment, something you are not, you just temporarily play as someone else.''

The actor nodded, thirsting for more of these words he thought he would have never hear from literally anyone. He had fought and worked all his life and his pretty smiles had opened doors and arms for him but never had he taken the time to open his arms and heart for someone else, out of simple fear that he would be taken advantage of like he had striven through the lives of others. He had always feared just being another person instead of being finally recognised as individual rather than the faceless and nameless waiter and simple worker who was at the mercy of everyone's pity and tips.

''I fall in love, not like I read my books or work my cases, Roman. I fall in love with all heart and no mind but when I allowed myself to fall in love with you, I knew I would fall for the dreams I thought I had lost when I was thrown into the world of ruthless students and rich kids.  
I would never leave you for anyone because you are the prince who brought colour into my world and was never scared of trying hard and working a lot. And we have much more in common in this sense.''  
The lawyer smiled over at him and carefully reached up with his body to plant a stray kiss onto his temple.

''Lo- ... I will never cheat, okay? I have flirted enough and while it is nice to be kind of make someone else feel good, it is not okay to go this far and abandon you!'', Roman answered immediately, the fire in his voice, the persistence of a true knight back in his being and it burned like the justice in his heart as he, in turn, placed his arms around Logan, one hand quick to intertwine his left with his husband's right fingers. Long, slender, warming up due to the heat of Roman's fierce heat.

''I will be the love you deserve and I will never make you feel this miserable again'', he promised softly and stood up, solemnly pulling Logan with him and twirling him like the bride his beloved man was, ''I will be the prince you deserve and I will keep swaying you off your perfect feet and your calculated position, my pedantic little nerd~''

Logan chuckled warmly as he leaned into the touch and he swirled along in a slow circle around himself as Roman directed him.

''Deal but I we will work on how you think about yourself because I will not share my home with a person idiotic enough to not recognise his own worth'', the taller one insisted stubbornly as he carefully brought himself against Roman's chest and curled one of his hands, now both free, around his husband's slim waist.  
''Deal''

The next words were conveyed by the lazy movement of lips, the electric tingle of rosy flesh connecting their faces and letting their bodies grow closer than materially possible. Their emotions seemed to mix like paint and they were more than delighted to walk their guests back into the hall, hand in hand, with sheepish smiles and warm invitations.

When the bartender left a note with several digits under Roman's drink, the thespian ripped it into pieces with a tipsy giggle before he was scooped up into another dance with his beloved husband.

 

Relationships are hard and commitment is long-term but with communication and honesty, there is room for improvement and good feelings.

 

~End~   
♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading! Check out my tumblr for some Sanders sides content (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/spacegayparty ) c:
> 
> I appreciate comments and kudos (can be given without being logged in) and enjoy replying to them. If you have story requests, reach out to me on my Tumblr (I am online about every two hours).
> 
> Have a beautiful day and rest, lovelies.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be two endings to this story. You can read both but I just wanted to let you know that this depends on a choice you can make (it will be in the title, don't worry)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this short story. Kudos (can be given by unregistered users!) and comments are appreciated and usually answered. Check out my tumblr for updates, info and random sanders sides/LGBTQAPI+ stuff!  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/spacegayparty
> 
> You can watch the musical online (I have found it on Netflix) c: Have a beautiful day


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